for me to learn how to do things by myself and not feel unbearably uncomfortable.
#growingup
has been that my cousins are growing up without me there.
I live in fear that one day I will come home and they won’t remember who I am.
Yet I keep leaving, and I keep staying gone, and I keep trying to find ways to make sure that they know that I love them.
The Lord of the Rings → different places in Middle Earth
(Source: weird-laugh, via purple-sun-and-moon-and-stars)
Dear Lieka,
I still miss you, baby girl. I just want you to know that I haven’t forgotten you.
I miss how you would sit and let me hug your neck for however long I wanted.
I miss how soft your ears were.
I miss how you took care of all the new puppies we introduced you to and made sure they didn’t get in to trouble, no matter how irritating they were.
I miss how you protected us.
I miss how you let us hold your paws.
I miss how much you hated playing fetch, but would occasionally humor us by chasing something we threw, even if we never got you to bring it back.
I miss having you as my jogging partner, even if you were afraid of cars and always knocked me over when one passed us.
I miss going outside and seeing you in your bush. Your spot is still there, and every time I pass it I remember how much I loved you.
I miss how you would always bury your pigs ears.
I miss going outside the gate and taking you with me so you could protect me. I always knew that I was safe with you.
I miss how you could open all our doors.
I miss giving in and feeding you scraps when I thought no one was looking.
I miss how, when Dad came to wake us up, you were always with him and you jumped up on our beds.
I miss how much you loved dad.
I miss how even when you were blind you recognized us.
I miss how even when you were deaf and blind you knew when we needed you.
I miss how even when we made you stay outside, you loved us so much.
I miss how intuitive you were. You always knew when we were upset, and you were the kind of dog who would sit next to us and let us run our fingers through your fur.
I miss a thousand more things about you, baby girl. I am so glad that I got to be with you in those last few minutes. I want you to know that we understood when you told us for the last time how much you loved us. Your last action was to put your paws in my lap and lay your head in mom’s lap.
That was so special, and I will never, ever, ever forget it. I hope you understood when I told you that I loved you too.
Let’s face it. I do that anyways.
I think it’s so idealized “I just want someone who makes me laugh”.
You know what? I know what it’s like to be on the losing end of that cliche! I’m not funny!
I want someone who makes me feel comfortable. I don’t want to have to change a single thing about myself, yet still feel like I’m doing enough.
I want to be able to do crazy things and only have to worry about pushing myself outside of my comfort zones along-side someone with whom I’m not already hanging off the edge of a cliff.
